I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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