Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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