Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
