he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
