Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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