Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
