my being single is dangerous.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
