when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
