Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
