he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
