How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I smell stomach acid.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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