pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
