so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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