Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
