Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I did not marry a roomba.
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