I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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