the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
At least life still wants to fuck me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
