I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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