girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
