im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
