weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
