When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
