No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
