Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's blow job season.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
