i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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