My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
