hell yes lets make some ravioli
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
