eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
