Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
