and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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