So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
