dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
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