At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
