I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm gonna fight the coyote
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
