i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
