I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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