Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
