Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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