Can Purell be used as lube?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
