I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
