i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
