i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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