u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
