Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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