I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
