you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
