Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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