Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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