so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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