Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
