Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
