i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I smell like Dick and happiness
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
