It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
