The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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